Sorry for me being quiet lately. Just not much novelties to report. This is an entry about trying to decide on a question only a long-term survivor can have the luxury to ponder. I had my last MRI a year ago. actually, more than a year ago. November 2009 to be exact. Now its February 2011. The big question in my mind is: am I neglecting my disease by not getting examined? The issues coming to mind: MRI imaging is not a treatment, it will give me a heads up, should something come back. But then. Something coming back. inevitably means: bad prognosis. Recurring Glioma is pretty much a death sentence. Well, technically, Glioma is a death sentence. And so far I beat it. Here my question: what would I do, if an MRI would show, it came back? Have another surgery? I was incredible lucky to have such a devoted and talented surgeon like Dr Liau at UCLA. My life is almost normal, I am doing science (actually: just writing a paper) again and everything looking as good as one could imagine. Another surgery almost certainly would mean serious defects from the removal of additional brain tissue. Would I do it? Thank God this is a hypothetical question. Many would say: you are cured, you beat it for good, you can relax now and move on with your life. But if there are others in my situation, you may know what I am talking about: Being diagnosed with malignant cancer once and for all destroys this primordial trust in ones body. I am still scared to consider myself "healed". As if there was some magical bad spell in letting the guards dow. I WANT to stay aware, that bad things may happen again anytime. Just hoping that this awareness may be a magic to keep IT away.
I keep on drinking my magic Amazon tea "Cha Una de Gato". But I will not do an MRI anymore. It doesn't help, since even a good result does not mean it will last. I will just have faith&trust that I will live and not die from brain tumor anymore.
Maybe I should write a book about my time with incurable cancer. Diagnosis December 2004 Surgery February 2005, now february 2011, "rebirth-day" is only three days away (Feb 7th 2005) my "second birthday". Six years. And I was told: "a year, maybe a year and a half"
People out there, I am still here! Maybe I made it long enough to call myself "cured", but I am still afraid. And will be so forever. A price I am happy to pay for being still here. Life is too wonderful a gift, to not accept a price for it.
I keep on drinking my magic Amazon tea "Cha Una de Gato". But I will not do an MRI anymore. It doesn't help, since even a good result does not mean it will last. I will just have faith&trust that I will live and not die from brain tumor anymore.
Maybe I should write a book about my time with incurable cancer. Diagnosis December 2004 Surgery February 2005, now february 2011, "rebirth-day" is only three days away (Feb 7th 2005) my "second birthday". Six years. And I was told: "a year, maybe a year and a half"
People out there, I am still here! Maybe I made it long enough to call myself "cured", but I am still afraid. And will be so forever. A price I am happy to pay for being still here. Life is too wonderful a gift, to not accept a price for it.
