Blooming Artifacts :-)

I know its a bit strange to publish detailed medical reports in a blog, but after all its good. So why not? it may help somebody to make sense out of his/her own stuff. And : on the lighter side: to be someone who has "Blooming artifacts" in his brain, that sounds very much like me. I like that, believe it or not. ;-)))

Take care, and if you're another survivor, keep it up and kick that cancer's butt!

HISTORY:

Status-post resection of astrocytoma

COMPARISON STUDIES:

Brain MRI 10/31/08, 5/19/08, 5/16/07

PULSE SEQUENCES:

MR imaging was performed on a 1.5 Tesla superconducting magnet using T2,

FLAIR, T1, gradient-echo T2*, and diffusion weighted pulse sequences.

Following intravenous injection of 10 ml of MultiHance, additional T1-weighted

images were obtained in axial and coronal planes.

FINDINGS:

Again seen is the large right frontal lobe resection cavity with surrounding

FLAIR signal hyperintensity.  Inferior to this is a stable extra-axial fluid

collection which is communicating with the right lateral ventricle.  The

ventricular sizes are unchanged.

There are stable blooming artifacts from chronic blood products identified in

the right frontal and temporal lobes.

Redemonstration of the increased T2 and FLAIR signal in the right frontal

white matter, compatible with chronic edema versus gliosis.

No evidence of abnormal enhancement on postcontrast sequences.

IMPRESSION:

No significant change compared to multiple MRIs dating back to 5/16/07. No

definite evidence of tumor recurrence.

Interesting for all Glioma patients

Hello, everybody. Just came back from a 2 1/2-week trip to China, with my girlfriend. But this blog post is to share a link: I just discovered a short article by Ben Williams, probably the most prominent of Glioma-survivors (its 2 years old, so I haven't done my homework!) Go read it: the link is: http://www.virtualtrials.com/williams.cfm

so much for today, more about China soon.

Take care and stay alive and healthy!

Thomas :-)

MRI-Data=Good !!!!!!!

Just got the mail from my Oncologist, who takes the task to report the MRI data to me:

>"unchanged from 5/08. That is good.

UNCHANGED!!!!!!!! The one single-bestword for me!!!! One should think I get used to the "ceremony", but I am afraid I never will. Anyway, special thanks to those of you out there who sent good thoughts, wishes and prayers, its the unexpected  support which comes as a gift from heaven!!!!! 

 I do feel a bit of a strange pain on my left side though, (=Tumor-opposite side) radiating down my left leg from the spine which probably comes from me falling off my chair in the lab when I had the seizure. Minor inconveniences, being alive without re-growing tumor is what counts!!

MRI tomorrow

I recovered well from the seizure, but of course it set some pessimistic thought processes in motion. My tongue is still sore from when I bit myself during the seizure, and my back still hurts from when I fell off that chair at work. But otherwise I don't seem to have any symptoms.

However since I didn't have any "real symptoms" before my "surfing incident", I AM scared of what tomorrow might reveal. After al, a seizure is a symptom too and if I tell myself again and again tat I just forgot the medication, that little voice in my head still says: "you never know!"

Thanks to you guys who left messages on my last entry!! My MRI is on schedule tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed, I will make a post as soon as I know the results!!  However, since its friday afternoon, I am not sure if I will have an answer before the weekend! I very much hope so though, as the waiting is the very worst part. Thank God I have a good doctor who understands these concerns.

SO KEEP YOR FINGERS CROSSED!!!!! THANKS FOR THINKING OF ME AND KEEPING ME IN YOUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS  AND SENDING GOOD ENERGY!!!!!

Ah well I will be OK! Thats just what I say! Anyway! tonight I am heading out for theater with my girlfriend. She even asked if she should come along to the MRI, but the scary part is not the machine, but rather what's the status in my head. Anyway, I am SO lucky to have somebody who cares and gives me love and support. If you guys out there have someone in your family be there for them!! That is SO important!!!! A big hug can be more help and support than 1000 words!! Ok enough writing for now, out to the theater! Be Happy! Make every minute count! 

Seizure

OK this was unexpected; I was working in the lab and the last thing before I found myself in the emergency room was that  I was preparing to run my PCR in an agarose gel. from there on all becomes blurry, many people seem hectic and two or so nurses tell me: "You had a seizure" "Did you take your medication?" and so forth, i do not remember all the questions. Despite of being blurred out in my head I remember my frustration, before this episode as I almost had started to feel like a "normal person" again. " Thought I'm finally over this" but no, Thomas you don't get out this easy. Today I am back to my usual self, but stil feel; like I hit a wall (well, I DID hit the floor after all, and that possibly hard!! -hard enough to bleed-)

My problem is: I do not know what it means, OK, I forgot my morning pill, but I did that before without effect, the half-life of Keppra in the blood should be long enough, to be able to drop one dose (but likely not two). Thing is, to my knowledge I only skipped one single dose (but then this already expresses that I am not 100%sure). So is this the first sign of the relapse? This is exactly how I would expect a "final chapter" to begin, seizures with increasing frequency, until they become virtually uncontrollable. Then I will be gone, some would call it a "merciful death" Nothing to witness, as the witness himself is taken out before the event happens. MRI soon then I will know for sure. Scary? YES!!! well its life and death again.

My tongue hurts (I bit myself bloody) and my back is like the back of an 85 year old, every movement is pain, and I feel stiff.

yesterday I slept half of the day, which felt good. forget about everything. This is when one feels alone (despite of loving girlfriend) THAT road nobody can walk with me! And nobody should, because there  is no way back. And its not a scenic road.  

OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENOUGH of morbid thinking, I can continue when the MRI comes back enhancement-positive. (which it will not!!!!!!!! GODDAMMIT!!!!) Yes, what will I do when it does? I have no idea yet. honest, rather sobering answer after all this writing making believe I'm a survivor. And heck, I AM!!!!!!!! Its not meant for me yet, I still have things to do! MY life is not complete yet, I have debt to pay. to my mice and a good lot of people who helped me along the way.

Isn't it almost funny, how I flee to these metaphysical viewpoins when things start looking dire again? 

As Nietzsche said: "Menschliches, allzumenschliches." But, hey, whats wrong with that??

Touched by the whale

The following story goes back about two or three years. it took place at Laguna San Ignacio in Baja California, Mexico.
I went with friends for watching the Gray Whale, these creatures come to Laguna San Ignacio and the adjacent Ojo de Liebre Lagoon, (better known under the name of the adjacent town, Guerrero Negro)to give birth and for the first months of the young whales.


It is also the famous place of the "friendly whales" a rather unique phenomenon: whales get interested in the human whalewatchers and come so close to the boats that they can be touched with bare hands (Photo above). I had gone to Guerrero Negro before twice,  it is quite spectacular: The whales come right to the boat and can be easily touched. One gets to rub a whales back as if it was a cow in the field (the breath smells similar!!! thats the reason I use this comparison)
The two times in Guerrero Negro,I had plenty of opportunity to touch whales.
Now this visit when we came to Laguna San Ignacio instead, it was different: It was earlier during the year so the mating was still going on, the sea was wilder as it was windy and the whales had "better things to do" than to mingle with curious humans (who wouldn't understand that a pretty whale lady prefers a handsome whale guy over a boat with tourists????

Now here comes me, the crazy brain tumor patient with a little detour: Since I as a child, I have this odd habit that I like to make bets on things and the outcome of those bets should tell my future: when we came to San Ignacio: I decided "OK if I can touch a whale I will get out of this brain tumor thing alive. (I thought, coming from my previous experience, that this will be easy).
But it wasn't. I basically had given up up already when the boat turned back. One whale (probably an older female), however headed to our boat. I reasoned it must be older, because of the size of course, and because she was neither with a calf nor engaged in the mating activities. She dived underneath the boat, I did not expect much, as the whales seemed rather unaccessible this time. But still as I had my bet going on, I put my hand as deep in the water as possible. And while diving under our boat the whale turned to its back and TOUCHED MY FINGERS VERY LIGHTLY WITH ONE OF ITS SIDE-FINS!!! It was definitely NOT me touching the whale, but the whale TOUCHING ME,  INTENTIONALLY (so it felt)!!! I was marveled. it felt unbelievable. like a confirmation from a higher authority, the "high committee of the species of gray whales" had decided: "Thomas, you will make it!!!" I will never forget this moment.
Since then I say to myself "Thomas, nothing can happen to you: you were touched by the whale"I know how weird this might sound: making bets on my life about weird natural phenomena which have no real relationship with me or my disease. Anyway, apart from all the reasoning, it gave me confidence and maybe thats what I needed more than anything else. Thank you, you unknown whale!!!! regardless!!

Bad day

Hi just very short, as an update on the daily struggle:
Today I am having trouble to focus on work or anything else. My brain feels like pudding. Of course the hypochondriac in me raises his little voice: Here we go!! Thats it again: the tumor is coming back!!!!! Of course I had this before, and some of the people out there will probably tell me: Come on!!! Its FRIDAY!!! Thats completely normal, who wants to focus on WORK on a Friday afternoon???

Anyway, I will work on some Images I took yesterday at the microscope, thats easy and I don't need to run around.
Take care you out there! I know this is common, but different from you "normal people" I have a very ugly "box of similar things" to put this into. And therefore it makes me feel bad and anxious!
Have a nice weekend, guess you need it as much as I do.

T.