My problem is: I do not know what it means, OK, I forgot my morning pill, but I did that before without effect, the half-life of Keppra in the blood should be long enough, to be able to drop one dose (but likely not two). Thing is, to my knowledge I only skipped one single dose (but then this already expresses that I am not 100%sure). So is this the first sign of the relapse? This is exactly how I would expect a "final chapter" to begin, seizures with increasing frequency, until they become virtually uncontrollable. Then I will be gone, some would call it a "merciful death" Nothing to witness, as the witness himself is taken out before the event happens. MRI soon then I will know for sure. Scary? YES!!! well its life and death again.
My tongue hurts (I bit myself bloody) and my back is like the back of an 85 year old, every movement is pain, and I feel stiff.
yesterday I slept half of the day, which felt good. forget about everything. This is when one feels alone (despite of loving girlfriend) THAT road nobody can walk with me! And nobody should, because there is no way back. And its not a scenic road.
OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ENOUGH of morbid thinking, I can continue when the MRI comes back enhancement-positive. (which it will not!!!!!!!! GODDAMMIT!!!!) Yes, what will I do when it does? I have no idea yet. honest, rather sobering answer after all this writing making believe I'm a survivor. And heck, I AM!!!!!!!! Its not meant for me yet, I still have things to do! MY life is not complete yet, I have debt to pay. to my mice and a good lot of people who helped me along the way.
Isn't it almost funny, how I flee to these metaphysical viewpoins when things start looking dire again?
As Nietzsche said: "Menschliches, allzumenschliches." But, hey, whats wrong with that??