Wednesday, September 18, 2013

A life most ordinary

Again, after a long time another "sign of life"! I have to remind myself that I am also writing to tell the world I am still here! 8.5 years post surgery and counting! Todays entry is about litle defects  and the urge to scrutinize every little issue that could hint to something bad re-appearing. No, I have not done an MRI lately. I wrote about the difficulty in this decision before. The last one I did was before I talked my girlfriend into moving here: I wanted to make sure that the status quo is still what it was. And, stupid as it may sound, that it is "worth it" to move in with me. Since then I have seen the Neurologist, but did not specifically ask for the MRI.  Essentially I believe, that if something would really move there in my head, I would know from increasing difficulties. But I am still doing science, just submitting a paper to a well-known journal (which will, inevitably, be rejected, at first at least) (If somebody who follows this blog is working in science too, you know all-too-well what I am talking about!) At least this tells me, I am still able to think straight. However the frequency of typos reminds me of my ( mostly subtle, however sometimes not-so-subtle) defects, I have: Searching for things right in front of me on a crowded shelf, leaving stuff on the table in the restaurant, Also I believe my temper has worsened, compared to what I used to be BEFORE (the "turning point" in my life, my "loss of innocence/immortality". In my old lab I was known to be a "such a mellow guy". Now I can get VERY angry at times. OK, everybody has fights in a relationship. But sometimes the anger on meaningless issues really surprises me. I still would like to find a good meditation group. We had one at Salk back then, which I found extremely helpful in so many ways (anger, fear, concentration, self-awareness). If anything, meditation is the one thing I would highly recommend to any tumor survivor and beyond that, to anyone recovering from brain injury. OK now sorry, short  entry. Have to leave. off to watch a movie now. As I say "a life most ordinary". And isn't that the best thing to have? Once you believed to have lost it for good! I know its not necessary over. But, hell, last thing dies the hope.

Take care,

Thomas :-)