Hello, sorry for not blogging a while, as I mentioned after moving to Germany, I started another blog, which is a "normal people blog" well, maybe thats a bit pretentious, to assume that I could ever be a "normal person" again.
Anyhow: today I had my first experience with the German MRI's: The main difference: right afterwards the Radiologist in charge came in, asking for me and telling me: "Its all fine" Since, as usual I was expecting the worst, I am close to giving him a big hug! The tech tells me, "of course, to those patients with serious conditions we want to tell them as soon as possible." To me, being used to wait a day or sometimes longer and biting my fingernails off expecting to hear the horrible news with increasing certainty this is awesome!!!
Here again the link to my "Hamburg-blog", which I very much hope to keep going like a "normal human being" (arrogant me!).
http://elreturnado.blogspot.com/2009/07/out-there-and-back-again.html
Read it and use it as a sign of hope that life can go on after the horror of a brain tumor diagnosis: Of course I am not sure or will ever be sure, but then, who can? even the most healthy can be dead anytime. And I was happy and healthy (to my knowledge) at the time of diagnosis. Hence it caught me SURFING, not the occupation of the sick and weakly. Actually, 2004, the year of my diagnosis probably would have been the happiest of my life so far. I do not believe that one brings disease upon oneself by mental condition, in fact I am fiercely opposed to that idea. the VERY LAST THING one needs as a sick person is some stupid new age smart-ass person telling you "You let this onto you" or: "with a good mindset nobody gets cancer" To me these are childish statements of people who cannot face the fact that not everything, and least of it cancer, is in our own control, that there may be "stochastics" playing a big role in our precious lives. How can that be? Can we subject to randomness?
YES WE ARE! FACE IT!
We are neither immortal nor all-powerful. We are just "little rubber duckies" in the ocean of existence. Tossed around by forces much bigger than we. BUT: This does not mean we cannot be happy!!!! Ah well I am becoming philosophical here and that may even be more pretentious than everything about "Normal People" I said. the only advice I can give to you fellow cancer-patients is : GO OUT AND LIVE A LIFE!! Its worth it! Every second!!!!! Do not let cancer dictate everything! Ok, I do stay away from drugs, but I still get drunk once in a while, and then I even smoke cigarettes sometimes (which is, admittedly, pretty stupid.) and not all of my diet is healthy, although, I believe it may be a good idea to improve on that. Point being made is that life has to be lived, nevertheless (I believe I said that already in a previous entry!) Maybe its this gist for life that keeps me here, or I maybe I'm just damn lucky (more likely).
Sorry, I am not sure if this entry is really helpful to someone with a deteriorating condition. But this is what I feel very strongly, and this is what I can share. For whatever it's worth.
DO NOT BE AFRAID!
BTW: Talking about rubber ducks in the ocean: check this out!!!!
http://rubaduck.com/news/rubber_duck_news-200302-duckies_around_the_world.htm
